This is why some actions most Americans take for granted strike Japanese as incredibly gallant or (mistakenly) as amorous.As a single person, hold a door once for a single Japanese of the gender you find more attractive, and you may cause him or her to blush. So when I make new friends with married Japanese, I pay very close attention to how much attention they pay each other.This question originally appeared on Quora, the best answer to any question. This is a very interesting question, and I'm glad to have a chance to offer my ideas. You can follow Quora on Twitter, Facebook, and Google Plus.I suppose there's a bit of that in American marriages, too, but it's been my experience that all people (Japanese and non-Japanese alike) go through better and worse times in their lives, and it's much easier to respect them when they're doing well than when things aren't going so well.So sometimes I felt bold enough to follow up on this question.Many Japanese spouses are wonderfully generous, completely disinterested, nurturing, or workaholics; others aren't.But show me a Japanese couple where either spouse can lightly toss off lines like, "You're wrong," or "Why do you make such a mistake?
This goes back to their aversion to confront others, of course.
But there is also a greater punch in compliments (and in insults) from forcing the recipients to think things through by themselves. " "Why in the world would she mention this necktie in that context?
" These are the sorts of things many of my Japanese friends stew about long after friends have gone their separate ways for the evening.
" My students would chew on this idea for a week and come back with some amazing responses.
But the one answer that came back over and over was that they felt they could never love their spouse if they didn't first respect them.