I don’t want any throwback pics or “hey, remember how you used to...” discussion. I was not tormented and had no particularly traumatic incidents. Anyway, I’ve never told anyone this because I realize it’s nuts.
If things come up, I just laugh along and change the subject as swiftly as possible.
Your goal should not be to “get over this.” Your goal should be to talk to your boyfriend about his past and to share your feelings, anxieties, and questions with him openly.
You’re not talking about an age gap between two adults in similar life situations, or the occasional exception—for most of his life and well into his late 30s, your boyfriend has dated college-aged women.
You can say that you really liked the color she used to dye her hair, and if she ever went back, you’d be totally into it.
But if she likes the gray, or doesn’t relish the hassle of keeping a dye job refreshed, then you should drop it. Adolescent embarrassment: I’m in my late-30s but for some reason am painfully embarrassed by my pre-teen/middle school years.
Some of them were even as young as 20 or 22, while he was in his mid-to-late 30s.
I guess I am concerned that someday he will want to go back to that.
It’s fine to feel sensitive about this, and there’s plenty of relatively small steps you can take to avoid this source of anxiety. Reading too much into his ex pattern: I am 36 years old and have been in a relationship with a great guy for almost two years. We are talking about marriage and possibly kids if that works out.
I have zero issues with our relationship—it’s great.
The only concern I have is that prior to dating me, my boyfriend only dated very attractive women under 26 years old.
Mallory Ortberg, aka Dear Prudence, is online weekly to chat live with readers. (Sign up below to get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week. Most of the time, I can see myself marrying him and being happy, but some things he says politically make me nervous, and I’m worried that he’s too uncaring about other people’s situations.
He’s in the medical field and enjoys helping his patients.